Hello.

My name is Julie and I am a follower of Christ.

I’ve started this blog because I feel directed by God to tell you some things about my journey with him. I say “you” because if you’re here, it’s because he brought you here.

Now, I don’t have a dramatic conversion testimony. He didn’t bring me out of any great sin or horrible situation. That’s not to say I haven’t had my share of sticky situations, but he's been with me through it all. So the things I will tell will be more anecdotal – moments in time rather than an ordered story. As such, my postings may be a little sporadic, but I’ll update as things come to me. I may also post some study-type information, if he so directs.

So welcome. I hope the stories of my journey with Christ will help you with your own journey in some small way.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

The Wizard's Apprentice (A Parable)

Once there was a boy who craved something he didn’t have, but he didn’t know what it was. He was without family or home, so he spent his days searching for food and questioning strangers, always hoping to find someone who knew what he searched for. But no one ever had the answers he needed.

One day, a stranger came through the village. His hair was long and white, and his eyes old, but his walk was light and confident.

The boy approached him, curious but cautious. The man smiled at him and offered him a piece of fruit. The boy, liking the way the man’s eyes crinkled at the corners, accepted the food with shy thanks. It was the most delicious fruit he had ever tasted.

The man watched the child eat, then said, “I’m seeking an apprentice. I don’t suppose you know of any children who might be willing to travel with an old wizard?” He added knowingly, “I need someone who is willing to ask lots of questions.”

The boy’s eyes grew very wide. This was just what he had been looking for. He nodded vigorously, mouth still full of fruit and juice dripping down his chin. “Oh, yef, fir!” He swallowed with an audible gulp. “Me!”

The man nodded. “I was hoping you’d say that. I’ve an eye for good apprentices,” he winked.

The child followed him back to the inn and the wizard drew him a bath. The water must have been bespelled, for the years of caked-on dirt slid off of his skin as if of its own volition and it seemed none the murkier for its cleansing.

When hunger pangs finally drove him from the tub, he found a delightfully fluffy towel and a soft new robe waiting for him. The robe was too big, though, and the wizard chuckled as he watched the boy carrying the hem so as not to trip.

“Let me fix that for you.” He breathed a sound that was almost a word and the robe fit itself to the boy obediently. The wizard nodded. “Better.” Then he addressed his new ward. “Have you a name?”

The boy’s eyebrows crinkled together as he thought. “I’ve been called many things, but I don’t remember anyone ever giving me a name I could keep.”

“Hm.” He gave the boy another piece of fruit to quiet the boy’s rumbling stomach and thought while he ate. When the boy had finished, the wizard nodded to himself.
“You shall be called Josiah.”

“Josiah.” The boy tested the name several times before giving the wizard a shy smile. “I like it very much, sir.”

The man returned his smile. “Good. I’m glad.”

~ ~ ~

The next day the two set out for the wizard’s home, he on his pure white charger and Josiah on a pony the wizard had procured for him.

Along the way, the boy peppered his new guardian with questions, all of which were patiently answered. And when the questions finally ran dry, the wizard started offering information: answers to questions Josiah had not even known to ask. He devoured the knowledge as hungrily as he devoured the wizard’s never-ending supply of magic fruit.

When they arrived at the wizard’s home, deep in the forest, Josiah watched in awe as the wizard held out his hand and a staff, white as snow with a clear stone shining from the top, shaped itself out of the air and into his grip. He then touched his horse, which transformed into a white eagle that launched itself, shrieking, into the sky. He then turned attention to Josiah’s pony, which changed into something small and furry that scampered into the underbrush.

Josiah turned to the wizard, who seemed to be waiting to see his reaction. “Sir,” the question was not much more than a whisper, “will you teach me to do that?”

The wizard laughed. “Study hard and learn well and you will be able to do that, and greater,” he promised.

“Oh, yes! I will, sir!”

The wizard’s home was an enormous tree, on which grew the delicious fruit that had become Josiah’s sole source of nourishment. The wizard led him up a spiral staircase to a level where the branches had grown together to create a series of rooms which had views looking out in all directions.

The wizard gestured to the circle of rooms. “Which one would you like?”

Josiah gaped at him. “I get to choose?”

The wizard nodded and chuckled as the boy raced off to inspect each one. All of them had a bed, shelves, and a desk and stool, but the similarities ended there.

One room was filled with blossoms and overlooked a garden. It was filled with a rich perfume which made Josiah’s head ache.

Another room opened to a view of a distant volcano. Its branches were streaked with red and the boy found it to be uncomfortably warm.

There was a room whose branches were full of birds and another that seemed to house a multitude of furry creatures. Josiah had the distinct impression that one of them had been his pony.

One room was dim and the dark branches seemed to be engraved with glowing green symbols. They made the boy uneasy and he moved on quickly.

Finally he came to a room filled with a cool, blue-green light. The branches above were festooned with shells, some hanging together to clink pleasantly in the breeze. The walls had grown into the suggestion of fish, which echoed the flashing denizens in the lake shallows below.

The wizard came and stood beside him. “Have you made a decision?”

“Yes, sir. I’d like this one.”

The wizard smiled. “It’s yours, then, for as long as you’re here.” As the boy wandered around, inspecting every inch, he continued, he continued, “There is no schedule here. When you’re hungry, you may eat of the tree’s fruit until you are satisfied. When you’re tired, you may sleep until you’re rested. All I ask is that you learn something new every day.”

Suddenly Josiah realized just how far he’d come in such a short amount of time. From wandering the streets to having his own bed. From begging for food to having all he wanted within easy reach. From orphan to apprentice. From unwanted to loved. The enormity of is washed over him like a tidal wave.

He turned, tears streaming down his face, and ran to the wizard, who knelt to receive him. He flung his arms around the man’s neck.

“Thank you,” he sobbed. “Thank you so much.”

The wizard’s arms wrapped around him and held him until the boy’s crying trailed off into sniffs and hiccups. Then he pulled away, wiped the child’s tears with his sleeve, and kissed him on the forehead.

“Welcome home, Josiah.”

~ ~ ~

And so began Josiah’s apprenticeship. Each day, as the wizard had requested, he learned something new: a new spell or variation of a spell, a new word of power, a new word of healing. He learned to call a falcon out of the sky and a fish out of the depths, and to see out of their eyes as he released them again.

And every day, his love for the wizard grew.

Sometimes other wizards, some with their own apprentices, would come to the tree to consult with his master. There was the woman with flowers in her hair, whose green staff wound upward like ivy to enclose a rose-colored stone. There was the man with a cockatoo on his shoulder, his staff like a birch tree holding it its branches a stone the color of the sky.

Then there was the man who seemed to melt from shadow to shadow and whose staff was ebony, the stone like a moonless night blazing with stars. His face was hard and lean, but he smiled kindly at Josiah.

When he had left, Josiah asked his master about him.

“There are dark wizards in this world, and he seeks them out to lead them to the light.”

And so Josiah grew in stature and knowledge, the weeks fading into months and the months bleeding away into years. Only the wizard and his tree seemed impervious to the passing of time and the change of the seasons.

One day, when Josiah was on the very brink of manhood, the wizard called him.

“Josiah, you have learned all you can here. There is but one thing you lack to become a wizard in your own right.”

“A staff?”

“A stone of power. Once you have the stone, it will shape its own housing.”

Josiah nodded. “Where can I find a stone of power?”

“I will show you the way, but I cannot go with you. Obtaining a stone is difficult and you will need all your determination and courage.”

The young man hesitated. “Do you think I can do it?”

“I wouldn’t send you unless I knew you could.”

The wizard led him into the forest to a cave hidden deep in a thicket. “The stone you seek is in there.” He placed a hand on Josiah’s shoulder. “Be of good courage.” Then he turned and left.

Josiah took a deep breath and entered the darkness of the cave.

The passage was narrow and the walls appeared to be obsidian. This was confirmed when, slipping on loose stones, he caught himself on the wall and cut his hand. He spoke a simple spell of healing, but his hand continued to bleed.

He frowned. He tried to create a light, but that, too, failed.

The sudden absence of his powers gave him considerable pause, but his longing for a stone of his own drove him on.

He walked until the entrance was a dim smudge of light behind him. He wondered how long he would need to stumble blindly in the darkness when he stepped into air.

He fell hard on his hands and found himself sliding down an incline littered with obsidian shards. He twisted and turned, trying to minimize the damage, but when he reached the bottom, his robe was shredded and he was bleeding from a multitude of cuts.

He used what he could salvage from his clothes to bind the worst of his wounds, then realized he could actually see to do so.

He looked around and found that he was in an immense cavern. Thousands of glow worms clung to the ceiling and filled the space with an eerie, greenish light.

And then he saw it, on a stone pedestal in the center.

His stone of power.

He hauled himself to his feet and stumbled toward it, only to find the way blocked by a subterranean lake, which boiled and seethed like nothing he’d ever encountered before. He tried to use his powers again to calm the lake, but they again failed.

He sighed. There had to be a way to get to the stone. He began walking around the edge and eventually came to a bridge. It was narrow and fragile-looking, but it appeared to be the only way across.

He stood a moment, gathering his courage, then stepped onto to the bridge. He picked his way carefully, avoiding places where the stone seemed ready to crumble.

He was about halfway across when the lake set itself on fire, the flames licking up the sides of the bridge like a living thing, eager to consume him.

Looking around at the fiery waters, his resolve wavered. He considered turning back, but dismissed the thought. His desire to possess the stone drove him on.

With each step, the fire seemed to grow in intensity until, just steps from the other side, it formed a wall between him and his prize.

Without stopping to think, he leapt through the flames.

On the other side, he frantically cast off his flaming clothes and burning bandages. Breathing a sigh of relief, he looked up, only to find that he was back where he started.

He turned in disbelief and saw the stone on its pedestal in the middle of the lake, on the other side of the bridge. A wave of frustration and despair washed over him. But he remembered what the wizard had said about needing all his determination, so he approached the bridge again. The flames of the lake had receded to embers and the waves of heat made the bridge waver and dance. This time, there would be no clothing to protect his body.

He gathered his courage and stepped again onto the bridge. Immediately, he was covered in a sheen of sweat. His feet burned with every step and his lungs seared with every breath, but he kept his eyes on the stone and pressed on. He moved deeper and deeper into the heat until his tongue felt dry in his mouth and his eyes parched in their sockets. He began to feel that he himself was made of embers and, at the end of the bridge, he fell rather than stepped onto the other side.

After several minutes of lying on the ground, gulping lungfuls of cooler air, he pulled himself to his knees, and then, painfully, to his feet. There was a pedestal before him, but the stone was not on it. Instead, he found a basin of clear water which, at that moment, was a treasure almost as valuable.

He plunged his head into the basin and drank deeply, then splashed handfuls over his feverish body. Everywhere the water touched was cooled and healed, and he felt cleansed and purified in a way he had never experienced before.

At the bottom of the basin, he found a small blue-green jewel. It looked very much like his stone of power and took it with wonder.

He turned and, to his utter astonishment, found that the bridge had arrayed itself with gemstones. It was also now wide and smooth, the waters beneath it calm.

He marveled at the beauty of the stones. Each was different, but fit together seamlessly to form the whole. Part way across, he noticed a gap. He inspected it curiously and realized it was the same size and shape as the jewel in his hand.

He dropped the stone in the opening and then realized that every gem represented a wizard that had passed the test of the bridge. He was one of them now and was suddenly overcome by a deep love for each of them and a profound sense of belonging.

He wept with joy.

Then, at last, he approached the pedestal.

The stone seemed to welcome him as he lifted it reverently. It was cool and heavy in his hand, and its inner light swirled with all the colors of the sea.

In a moment of pure thankfulness, he pressed the stone to his heart and thought of the kind, powerful wizard who had adopted him and set him on this path.

Then he had to shield his eyes as a hidden door opened and bathed him in light. Blinking in the brightness, he exited the cave.

He found himself on a beach, with white sand sparkling in the sunlight. Testing the new power coursing through him, he focused on the sand, binding and weaving it into a soft, shimmering robe that formed itself around his body.

His working uncovered an unusually-shaped piece of driftwood and he retrieved it from the sand. To his amazement, the stone brightened and the wood started to grow, reaching tendrils out toward the source of the magic. They coiled around the stone, lifting it out of Josiah’s hands to create a protective cage around it. The other end lengthened and thickened into a staff which was precisely the right size for the new wizard.

It was only then that he noticed the figure at the water’s edge, gazing out over the waves. As if sensing his protégé’s eyes on him, the wizard turned and opened his arms in welcome.

Josiah ran to his mentor and their embrace was long and fierce. Then the older wizard cupped Josiah’s face and kissed him on the forehead, as he had done when the boy was small. He gazed into his eyes, clear and bright with new, hard-won power.

“Well done.”

Josiah beamed. “Thank you, master.” He looked out over the water, suddenly feeling somewhat lost. “Now what should I do?”

“Now you must go out into the world. Help those who need it. Find your own apprentice and pass the knowledge on.”

“Where should I go?”

“Anywhere that pleases you. Oh! I almost forgot. I have something for you.” He held out his hand and there appeared a small bag with a tiny green sprout peeking out of the top.

Josiah took in gently as the wizard explained, “This is a seedling from the Great Tree. It will grow anywhere you choose and provide a home for you. Just feed it some of your magic.” He gave Josiah’s shoulder a squeeze. “Now go find your place in the world. And, if you should ever have need of me,” he tapped the young man’s stone, “I’ll always hear you.”

Then the wizard was gone. Josiah smiled and shook his head, and then looked out across the water that had always called to him. Raising his staff, he spoke a word.

In a matter of moments, the tide roiled and an enormous blue serpent raised its head out of the surf. Josiah waded out to it, gave it a pat, and climbed onto its back.

The serpent brought him to an island where Josiah planted the seedling. He fed it his magic, and it grew until it was large enough to shelter him.

And so began his work. He traveled up and down the coast on his great blue serpent (sometimes disguised as a blue-white charger) helping all he found in need.

One day, on a great cliff overlooking the sea, he found a little girl gazing out over the water.

He sat down next to her and asked, “What are you looking at?”

“The sea,” she replied. “It’s very beautiful.”

“It is,” he agreed. “And your parents don’t mind you coming here alone?”

“I have no parents, sir.”

He pondered that for a moment. “You know,” he ventured, “I happen to be looking for an apprentice.”

She turned to look at him and he rejoiced at the joy and hope his words had kindled in her eyes.

Update

So things are starting to look up again for me and my little family. However, we now have some decisions to make and not a lot of time to decide and implement. But I'm thankful for the new direction and renewed hope. I know that God is directing our steps.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Faithful

So I and my family have been in a bit of a rough patch in our life. Which is okay, because easy paths make for boring stories. But this morning was particularly hard for me. The usual getting-ready-for-church frustrations got magnified out of all proportion. During worship service, I fell apart.

I try not to cry in front of others. As a person with Asperger's Syndrome, witnessing others cry is extremely uncomfortable for me, since I can never seem to figure out what I'm supposed to do. So I try not to subject anyone else to that situation. But, this morning, I broke.

It was strange, though. It felt like my tears hones my praise to razor sharpness. I wasn't able to sing, but my spirit seemed to be shouting to the heavens, reverberating like a bell, and I envisioned my praise as a sword flying upward and piercing the sky.

Then, during lunch at home, my husband motioned us to the sliding door. The tree right outside was filled with chickadees.

I've heard that people sometimes have certain signs that remind them of God's love. Some people find coins, others see hearts. For me, it's birds.

Was this a sign of a breakthrough for my family? I honestly don't know yet.

But I do know that, whatever happens, He is faithful.

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Meadow

I had another vision around the same time as the doors vision (they both occurred at a women’s retreat).

This one needs a little bit of back story, though.

I’d always thought of heaven as being like a big, bustling city. All the people who loved God in both the Old and New Testaments, plus all of those who’ve lived and died since. And Jesus the savior of them all, the prince in the castle. So, while he loves everyone and everyone loves him, I’d had the impression that the chances to spend one-on-one time with Jesus would be few and far between. That would be okay, though, since he would still be near.

In my vision, I was in a grassy field and there were yellow flowers everywhere. (This is how I know the vision was from God. If it was from me, the flowers would have been purple.) Jesus was with me. It was just the two of us – not another soul in sight. And the feeling was that we had all the time in the world. There was no rush. Jesus didn’t have any other appointments to get to, and I had no one else I wanted to be with. There were no words spoken, just the sense that we were quietly enjoying each other’s company.

The love he has for each individual is so profound. Each person can have this with him as often as they desire. I don’t know how, but it’s true, and recollecting this vision still brings me to tears years later.

Monday, October 6, 2014

Is Hell Eternal?

For years I’ve heard the idea that those who die without the salvation of Christ will burn in hell forever. Yet the Bible tells us that God is love and that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. The scriptures also speak repeatedly about the mercy of God. I’m sorry, but abandoning souls, especially souls that you claim to love, to an eternity of excruciating torment doesn’t sound loving or merciful to me. It sounds cruel. So I decided to prayerfully explore the idea of an eternal hell more deeply.

I started my study by searching the Bible for the word “hell”. I found that it appears 54 times in the King James Version of the Bible, 31 times in the Old Testament and 23 times in the New Testament. I looked at each, but not one of them indicates that hell is eternal. There is mention of eternal damnation, but only in reference to blaspheming the Holy Spirit and hell is not mentioned. (Mark 3:29). The word “damnation” here simply means “separation”, according to Strong’s Concordance (G2920).

Next, I examined the purpose of hell. Hell is for unrighteous people. Specifically, unrighteous people who are dead. But is death a permanent state? Scripture says no. At the time of judgment, everyone will be resurrected. John 5:28-29 says, “Do not marvel at this; for the hour is coming in which all who are in the graves will hear His voice and come forth – those who have done good, to the resurrection of life, and those who have done evil, to the resurrection of condemnation.” Acts 24:15 says, “I have hope in God, which they themselves also accept, that there will be a resurrection of the dead, both of the just and the unjust.” And Revelation 20:12-14 says, “And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works. And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works.”

So death is not permanent. This idea is also supported by Revelation 21:4 – “And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.” But what is the resurrection of condemnation? Revelation 20:15 says, “And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire.”

Now, this brought me to a question I had not considered before: where is the lake of fire? I answered this question by the process of elimination. Those whose names are not written in the Book of Life wouldn’t be thrown into heaven. And Revelation 20:14 says that death and hell are cast into the lake of fire. Since something can’t be cast into itself, the lake of fire is not in hell, either. So, where does that leave?

Since there is never any mention of any realms beside heaven, hell, and earth, the lake of fire must be on earth.

So, let’s look at the whole scenario.

“Then I saw a great white throne and Him who sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away. And there was found no place for them. And I saw the dead, small and great, standing before God, and books were opened. And another book was opened, which is the Book of Life. And the dead were judged according to their works, by the things which were written in the books. The sea gave up the dead who were in it, and death and hades delivered up the dead who were in them. And they were judged, each one according to his works.  Then Death and Hades were cast into the lake of fire. This is the second death. And anyone not found written in the Book of Life was cast into the lake of fire.” Revelation 20:11-15

It appears that this is describing the resurrection unto condemnation mentioned in John. Also, death and hell (or Hades) are now in the lake of fire, on the earth. Now, the next verse (Revelation 21:1), says, “Now I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away.” So, if death and hell were on the earth, and the earth passed away, then so did they. And then comes a new heaven and a new earth, but there is no new death, and there is no new hell.
So hell is not eternal, but what of the people in the lake of fire? What happens to them? Revelation 20:10 states only that the devil, the beast, and the false prophet will be tormented in the lake of fire forever and ever (which can also be translated as “an age and an age”), which implies that anyone else there can be saved from it.  This idea is supported by Revelation 22:2, which describes the New Jerusalem: “In the middle of its street, and on either side of the river, was the tree of life, which bore twelve fruits, each tree yielding its fruit every month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.”

Wait. What nations? It’s not the Elect, since they were resurrected unto life. It must be everyone who had been in the lake of fire. Who else would need healing at that point?

In Obadiah, it talks about saviors (plural) coming to mount Zion (Obadiah 1:21).  Zion refers to Jerusalem in prophecy. Those who dwell in Jerusalem are followers of Christ. We are the saviors of Mount Zion. Revelation also states that God has made us kings and priests (1:6, 5:10). So, this begs the questions, how are we to be saviors if there’s no one to save? How will we be kings if there’s no one to rule? How will we be priests if there’s no one to lead? These positions are meaningless if the only inhabitants of the new earth are the Elect, and I don’t believe God is one to grant empty titles. The implication is that the punishments of hell and the lake of fire are only temporary and that those who suffer through them will be with us on the new earth.

Several places in the Bible refer to God’s will to save everyone. Colossians 1:19-20 says, “For it pleased the Father that in Him all the fullness should dwell, and by Him to reconcile all things to Himself, by Him, whether things on earth or things in heaven, having made peace through the blood of the cross.” And 2 Peter 3:9 says, “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.”

All of this led me to another relevant question: what is needed to obtain salvation? Romans 10:9-10 says, “that if you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with the heart one believes unto righteousness, and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.” In answer to this, consider Philippians 10:9-11: “Therefore God also has highly exalted Him and given Him the name which is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, of those in heaven, and of those on earth, and of those under the earth, and that every tongue should confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.” And also Revelation 1:7: “Behold, he is coming with clouds, and every eye will see Him, even they who pierced Him. And all the tribes of the earth will mourn because of Him. Even so, Amen.” Will it be possible that those who see Christ will still not believe in him? I don’t see how. And these verses in no way indicate that anyone will be exempt from seeing, kneeling, and confessing. Also, the story of “Doubting Thomas” shows that the need to see before believing does not prevent you from obtaining salvation, as he was still listed among the apostles in Acts. It only says that those who do not see and yet believe will be “blessed”.

Will there be some who, after all is said and done, will still reject Christ? Possibly. But will they suffer eternal torture for that decision? No. If they decide to remain in the lake of fire, they will pass away with it. And this seems to me to be a far more just punishment than unending agony.

Finally,  consider Revelation 21:3-5: “And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God is with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, and be their God. And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away. And he that sat upon the throne said, Behold, I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write: for these words are true and faithful.” Strong’s notes that the term “men” in verse 3 refers to all men (G444). And I always wondered how God could take away all our sorrow when we had the knowledge that a loved one is suffering in hell. Now I understand that he will take away our sorrow by reuniting us with those loved ones.

So, what does that mean for us? Should we not worry about evangelizing because everyone will “make it” anyway? No. We must still do all we can to prevent anyone going through the extremely unpleasant process of the lake of fire.

The big difference for us now is that, even if we aren’t able to get through to everyone, there is still hope. Hope that everyone will have a place in the world to come.

This whole study was a bombshell for me. It blew apart everything I’d always been told about hell and made me realize that the Good News is even better than I’d ever believed. It also proved to me that you can grow up in church and live a faith-filled life for decades and still be absolutely astounded by what Christ will teach you if you will sit at his feet and learn from him.
“Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.” – Matthew 11:29


For those interested, I use the online Strong’s Concordance at http://eliyah.com/lexicon.html and the online Bibles at https://www.biblegateway.com/ for my studies.

Doors

In one of my visions, I was before a set of enormous doors. My perception was that they were several hundred feet tall, and I was as small as a speck of dust floating in front of them. It was dark, but I could make out beautiful, ornate carvings.

Then the doors opened, and a brilliant white light shone out, surrounding me so that I didn’t even cast a shadow.

I thought, “This is the heart of God.”